Seme vs Uke
by Marukaite Chikyuu
Summary: England starts the UCTFBRIR, or, Ukes-coming-together-for-better-rights-in-relationships. In retaliation, France begins the SCTFFDIR, or, Semes-coming-together-for-full-domination-in-relationships. Truly, this is war. (Cracky! FrUk, Amerada, SuFin, Rochu, GrPan, DenNor, HongIce, GerIta, SpaMano, AusHunPru. REVIEW! 34 follows and in two chapters only 22 reviews? REALLY?)
1. Prologue

"Thus begins the meeting of the UCTFBRIR, take your seats!" A loud, British voice exclaimed, from the front of the meeting table in the board room. The confused nations all sat down around the table, not knowing why they had been called to a 'secret' meeting. "Now, my name, as all of you _must_ know, is England, and I have called you all here for a select reason, unknown to you right now. But once I reveal the full deal of this matter, none of you will be able to resist joining the UCTFBRIR."

"... First of all, ahen, why us particular nations? If this is some kind of peace treaty, I'll have no part in it," China suddenly spoke up, narrowing his eyes dangerously at England and Japan. Japan blushed in embarrassment and England ignored him.

"It will be explained quite soon, China, so keep quiet for now," England snapped, green eyes narrowing. "Anyway, I have called you all here because you are the ideal nations to be part of the UCTFBRIR. This stands for... _Ukes coming together for better rights in relationships_," He coughed out quickly.

Only Japan knew what the hell an uke was, and blushed completely red in embarrassment. "I-I am not an uke! How dare you!"

"Like you can deny it, Japan. I've seen you and Greece."

Japan coughed and looked down shamefully.

"What the hell is an uke, opium bastard?" Romano spoke up loudly from his seat, glaring with annoyed hazel eyes. "It better not be something damn offensive like you English bastards are always spouting, or I'm going to get Spain to go all pirate on your ass!"

"Veee~ Uke? Sounds fun! If you take away the _ke _and add 'pasta', then take away the _u_, you get the word pasta~ Veee~!" Veneziano exclaimed cheerfully, smiling happily as he sat on his chair, leaning towards his older brother. Romano glared and pushed his brother away, yet gently as to not hurt him.

"Kesesesese! Mein Ita-chan is so adorable!"

"Um, what is a uke, anyway, England? I believe I should know if I'm getting myself into something like this, and all... I don't want it to be a repeat of being invaded for my docks," Finland said nervously, ignoring the glare from China, who was probably the only one who noticed that Finland talking about Russia.

England looked to Finland, and cleared his throat. The other nations snapped to attention, and England looked to them with a serious face. "..."

"An uke is the one on bottom, who plays the submissive, feminine role, in gay relationships."

"..."

"WHAT? I am not submissive OR feminine to anyone, you... English jerk!" Iceland exclaimed in utter horror, his oceanic blue eyes wide. His older brother Norway stared at England in disbelief and hugged his younger brother close, who protested and tried to push the stoic blonde away.

"B-But, I'm not in a gay relationship! I... I'm single, currently," Austria spoke up, his face flushed and disrupting his usually neat and calm demeanor. The last sentence was said with a sort of longing in his voice.

"The awesome me can never be on bottom, and is not in a gay relationship, UN-awesome England!"

"B-B-But... I-I... I'm not in a relationship as well, c-currently..." Lithuania spoke up, trembling in embarrassment and fear of the disgruntled nations. If they were angry, they might decide to take him over and abuse him... He shuddered.

England cleared his throat. "... In Prussia and Austria's case, it's true, they're not in gay relationships, or any, for that matter. However, in the Hetalia Fandom (Shameless breaking of the Fourth Wall) it is said that Hungary-san, who many fans ship with both of you passionately, is seme in both cases. We don't even know how it's possible since she's a woman, but it has something due to her masculinity..."

Austria and Prussia's eye twitched in unison, both of their jaws dropped.

"Lithuania, it is shown you are shipped avidly with Poland... and you have the role as an uke, too."

Everyone turned to the brunette, whose eyes were even wider than before. He was shaking uncontrollably, Finland placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Everyone pitied the man who was considered the feminine and submissive one, and was shipped as under a tiny, pink pony-loving cross dresser.

"Finland, it's known Sweden will call you his wife and is overprotective of you, thus showing perfect signs of being a bloody-seme..." England mumbled, making the blonde blush in surprise, but the British man only continued speaking. "Romano is considered under Spain, and obviously, in GerIta, Italy is the uke role. Greece and Japan's relationship works as Greece being seme and Japan being uke... Denmark tops Norway any day, it's not like it could be the other way around... It's Hong Kong on top of Iceland, and... Poor, poor China under 'Soviet-Union-Crazy-Communist-Mother-Russia."

China's cheeks flushed and he glared. "You stupid westerner, ahen! How dare you insult Russia!"

Just by the name 'Russia' sent Lithuania screaming and hiding under the table, the chair behind him being knocked over flat onto the ground. The other nations sighed.

"Okay, so you explained to us what... 'ukes' are. So why are all of us coming together, then? If it's to exploit our sexual scandals with these 'semes', then, no thanks," Iceland said seriously, making the more modest Asian countries, Japan and China, blush bright red in embarrassment.

England shook his head. "No. It's to receive better treatment in our relationships from those bloody semes," he spat out, crossing his arms. "Think about it. Haven't you ever felt that in your relationship, you'd want to be treated better by your seme? Being an uke is hard work and they don't realize it."

"... Are you high on ahen, ahen?"

England sighed and rolled his eyes. "Just go home tonight and think of the times your seme has treated you wrong. If you join, you'll receive better treatment from your bloody seme, and will never have to feel ashamed of being an uke again. If you come to the right decision and want to join the UCTFBRIR, then notify me by tonight."

The nations looked at England incredulously before leaving.

England sighed and relaxed in his seat. He honestly felt this was a good idea. The bloody frog... Sometimes he wanted to leave France altogether, but... He couldn't. But that didn't mean he couldn't demand better treatment. But of course, for that, he would need power... And what better way than to assemble a huge group of powerful (though slightly submissive) nations whose anger would power them to help a worthy cause?

* * *

"Hmhmhmhmhm~" A feminine voice hummed, belonging to a beautiful brown haired woman, standing in the kitchen. She was placing chocolate icing designs over the caramel brittle top of the delicious Hungarian dish, dobos torte, while she cleaned up small amounts of spilled butter-cream frosting around the tabletop.

The door to the front opened, and the woman looked up in surprise. She beamed to see the face of her ex-husband.

"Austria-san!" Hungary exclaimed, blushing, as she wiped her hands on a washcloth, and walked towards the door. "I didn't know you were going to stop by! Actually, I just made some fresh dobos torte. Would you like to sit down and have some?"

The piano-loving nation was about to say something when a white-haired head popped out from beneath him, through the door.

"Kesesese! The awesome Prussia will taste some of your measly Hungarian dish if it will make the barbaric peasant woman happy! Kese! Oh, I'm so utterly hilarious, don't you agree?" The albino grinned a shit-eating grin and pushed Austria to the side, walking through the door as if he owned the house.

Hungary blinked in surprise and then turned to Austria, trembling in fury. "Why would you bring Prussia with you?"

"He actually followed me here," Austria explained, sighing, as he walked inside the house, daintily closing the door behind him. He scowled at the mud tracked into his ex-wife's house by the loud nation who had seated himself at the dining table. Hungary frowned at his answer, but went into the kitchen to bring out the Hungarian cake.

She sliced a piece for both of them (Giving Austria the much larger one, as expected, and Prussia a noticeably tinier piece) and served tea (Giving Austria the cup with her finest brew of mint, and the regular, cheap bags for Prussia). She watched the difference between her ex-husband's table manners compared to her childhood frenemy's.

"... Austria, not that I'm not delighted you've come to visit me, and all... But, why have you, really? After the land-border was re-initiated, you never have time to stop by anymore... All you do is call. It's been several years since you actually came to my house for something. What is it?"

The brunette male coughed into his hand, blushing red. "I-I... Well, it has something to do with a new... Er, 'alliance', as one might call it. I was thinking of whether or not I should join. Because you used to be my partner, I decided to consult you. And, Prussia followed along because he was invited to be in it as well."

Hungary's green eyes lost their joy, replaced by a soft melancholy. "... I see."

The Hungarian Nation turned around, gulping, and biting her lip. "I... If you want to join this alliance, and... leave me alone like this, then, fine. I don't care what you do, Austria. You and Prussia can go join whatever alliance it is-I don't suppose it's the UN, or another version of the Allied Forces, huh? Your 'used-to-be partner' actually doesn't care whatever you do now."

"Hungary..." Austria started, but the brunette didn't respond.

"... This is very un-awesome. I... think I am going now... Auf Wiedersen!" Prussia fled the room, though receiving his answer on whether or not to join the UCTFBRIR.

Austria sighed, Hungary not turning around to face him, and wiped his mouth before quietly leaving the European Nation's house. Well, he would have to join the UCTFBRIR now. Hungary said it herself, she wanted him to do it.

However, it hurt him most to think she actually didn't care.

* * *

Lithuania sat down in his small home, on the computer. His whole body was trembling and shaking as he typed in the name "LietPol yaoi," which England informed him to be his and Poland's... Er, 'shipping' name. Once he hit the enter bar, his jaw dropped and he began to tremble uncontrollably, tears falling from his eyes pathetically.

He was there, on the screen...

Being topped by a cross-dressing POLAND, _who was wearing a skirt,_ for crying out loud!

In horror, he could barely find the strength to email England his acceptance of the UCTFBRIR.

* * *

"Hey, tomato bastard! I'm in a bad mood, so you better do what I say right now without any complaints!" Romano yelled out through the Spaniard's mansion. The brunette entered through the side door in his gardening clothes with a basket full of ripe tomatoes, smiling cheerfully.

"Oh, _hola_, Romano~!" Spain exclaimed, wiping off some sweat off his brow with his sleeve. He put the basket of tomatoes down on the kitchen table and sat down, wiping his forehead with a dirt-smudged handkerchief. "Why are you in a bad mood, _mi tomate_?"

Remembering the words 'submissive' and 'feminine', Romano could only blush at the Spaniard's words. "D-Don't you dare call me YOUR tomato, you damn tomato bastard...!"

Spain raised an eye in curiosity. "But why not? Aw, hehe. You're blushing, Romano, and now you actually look like a real tomato! How adorable!" The brunette reached in and pinched the younger nation's cheek, getting a bit of dirt on him. Romano yelped and pushed Spain away.

"T-Tomato bastard! D-Don't touch me with your damn filthy hands!"

"How adorable~" Spain exclaimed, smiling cheerfully, ignoring the Italian nation's warning. He pinched Romano's cheek, and with his other hand, reached towards the brunette's curl. "_Mi tomate~ Mi tomate... Mi Romano_!"

_Tug, Tug._

That blew the fuse.

"CHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGG GGIIIIII!" Romano screamed out, and a skillful left hook caught Spain in the jaw, sending the older nation flying back into the kitchen. Blushing red and feeling violated, Romano ran into his room.

_D-Damn tomato bastard! I... I hate Spain!_

His email was sent to England right away.

* * *

China was in the kitchen, cooking that night's dinner, with a scowl plastered across his face. He was recalling the events that had happened earlier in the day, albeit reluctantly. He frowned as he tossed the fried rice around in his wok, glaring at the food as he thought of the UCTFBRIR and England.

_Stupid Opium, aru! Trying to embarrass me by calling me a uku... Uke? Whatever it was, aru, I hated being called it! That's crossing the line right there... First, he drugs me and my people with his opium, steals my precious younger brother Hong Kong, and then decides to try and humiliate me with this group? Unbelievable, aru!_

_..._

_Besides, I'm not feminine, aru... Or submissive. I could definitely top Yiwan if I wanted to, and if I tried really hard, aru! I will never be an uke, or whatever it is called, aru._

With a satisfied nod, China turned off the stove and began to scoop the fried rice out into two serving dishes. He didn't notice the looming shadow over him. He squeaked as he was brought into a tight, warm, bear-hug by his Northern neighbor, nearly dropping the serving dishes all over the place.

"Y-Yiwan! Don't sneak up on me like that, aru!"

"Kolkolkol! _ Kitey _is so adorable when he is flustered like that, da? I should sneak up on him more often to see the cute reaction!" Russia exclaimed cheerfully, and hugged China, who sighed and hugged him back. Once Russia finally released him from the hug, China went back to scooping the fried rice.

"Aw, did Jao-Jao make dinner for us again? I appreciate him doing it so very much, but he doesn't have to every night, da? One night I can try and make us some_ borscht_! Jao-Jao likes to try new things, da? So he would enjoy eating very good quality traditional Russian food, Kolkolkol."

China smiled and chuckled at Russia. "Maybe one day aru. But you have to get home before me to be able to cook, Yiwan. Now, why don't we go to the table and eat?"

Russia smiled and hugged China suddenly. "Why go around when we can eat _right here_, da?"

China's face lit up red as he realized what that meant in 'Ivannese.' "N-No aru! Not here! Dinner will get cold, and... I'm very tired after a long day, aru!"

"It's okay, Jao-Jao~ You just have to relax and submit yourself to me-"

China flinched at the word submit, and then suddenly felt his old thoughts hit him like a wave.

"... Yiwan...?'

"Yes, Jao-Jao?"

"... If we do... do... t-that... Would it be possible for me... To... I don't know, aru... Be on top this time...?"

...

...

...

...

Let's just say a very angry China was sending an email of acceptance to England that night.

* * *

"Dammnit, Norway! I just joking when I said Icey should be calling you big sister instead! You don't have to get all mad about it, yeesh!" Denmark exclaimed, adjusting his red tie from where Norway had previously been choking him before. Iceland and Finland sighed, knowing why Norway had reacted in such a way.

"Just don't start to question any of us today, we aren't in the mood," Iceland said curtly, frowning. His blue eyes looked to the table dejectedly, and Denmark's eyes narrowed.

"What's wrong with you guys today? You telling me not to question you just makes me even more curious."

"Well, Denmark," Finland said, not wanting to be secretive on information on a possible alliance, when it could have something to do with the other two Nordics in the room, "England told us about a new possible alliance, for... special reasons... And Norway, Iceland, and I were just a bit confused on what we should be doing."

"Decline right now," (Sorry, no accent... Gets annoying to write) Sweden replied back as soon as Finland finished his sentence. The blonde squeaked in surprise at Sweden's rough voice, not expecting such an immediate response. "You're my wife and you won't be going anywhere if I can't come with you."

Finland blushed red. "I-I'm not your wife, Sweden! Stop making such ridiculous jokes about that kind of thing! People get the wrong idea and it makes me embarrassed..."

"I'm not joking..."

Finland sighed. The overprotective nature of Sweden was helpful and he took it as a nice gesture, but... Now he was starting to see what England was talking about, what with this being the sign of a seme. _If so, then being an uke under an overprotective seme must suck,_ he mused quietly.

Norway looked to Sweden. "It could be beneficial to all of us Nordics. You don't even know what it's about yet, and you decline already? Also, it's none of your business. Finland did not ask for your opinion, he only stated what was going wrong." The aloof Nordic stared at the usually cold Sweden, who, this time, was glaring.

"He's _my_ wife."

"Sweden, I'm not your _anything_!" Finland exclaimed exasperatedly, not seeing the hurt on Sweden's face, that was quickly hidden under a mask of steel.

Iceland sighed. "Can we just make a decision here? I don't personally think I'm going to join. It makes no sense, seeing as I don't even qualify to fit into the alliance anyway..."

"Qualify to fit into the alliance? There are qualifications? And... **I**, of all people, don't meet them? What kind of dumb alliance is that?" Denmark asked, his mouth written in shock.

Norway frowned, his eyes darkening. "They don't like overly loud, and bossy people, like you."

"Well, I don't see why they'd like creepy guys like you, who stink like rotten fish," Denmark shot back, crossing his arms huffily. Norway didn't even flinch, his purple eyes only glared even harder.

"... Finland, Iceland. We're getting into that alliance."

"W-What? B-But... I don't even know if I want to be in something like that! It's just not right!" Finland exclaimed, his brown eyes wide in surprise and worry. Sweden forced himself to look away as if he didn't care as Finland and Iceland were dragged off to alert England of their consent and acceptance into UCTFBRIR.

* * *

"Veeeee~ Doitsu, Doitsu! Can I join an alliance with England?"

"... Vhy vould you vant to do zhat?"

"He said it'd be fun! Something about pasta."

"... I guess... As long as you are not being getting into zhe trouble, I have no qualms. I suppose."

"Veeee! Thank you, Doitsu!"

Thus Italy easily joined the UCTFBRIR.

* * *

"... I wish... I could be a cat..."

Japan looked to Greece, who was laying down in the field of soft grass lazily. His messy brown hair sculpted around his face, his dark green eyes staring as the clouds lethargically moved across the blue sky.

"... I could... walk around... Not worry about bankruptcy... Or body odor..."

"Yes, Greece-san, you told me this before. I know how much you want to be a cat if you have another life, but Buddha says it is not possible after reaching nirvana..."

"... My mother used to believe... In... reincarnation... But... It would be into flowers or trees... Nature and things."

"... Greece-san...? Would you mind... If I joined an alliance with England...?"

"... As long as you... didn't get hurt fighting... I'd be okay... with it. And if you had to fight me... You'd give it your all... I... don't want you to feel bad for me... Because... I..."

Japan waited.

...

...

...

"Chu. Chu."

The Asian man's eye twitched as he realized his lover was sleeping. He sighed and got out his phone before texting England his consent and acceptance into the UCTFBRIR.


	2. The Seme-Group is Born

**A/N: Well... This kind of sucks.**

**24 follows and 10 favorites, and only 8 reviews? Really? :/**

* * *

"Wow. Just... Bloody wow. I thought you all were offended from yesterday when I explained what an uke was, and now all of you are back here, ready to join the UCTFBRIR," England said, smirking. His eyebrows were furrowed downward, teasing the other uke nations. "What bloody hypocrites. I suppose you all noticed how bad seme treatment is getting these days..."

"Shut up, ahen," China muttered, and crossed his arms over the stuffed Shinatty-doll staring creepily at Iceland, who shivered and looked away. The other nations murmured their agreement, except for Italy.

"Veeee~ Actually, I just asked Germany if I could join, and he said I could!"

Japan gaped a little in surprise. "But... Aren't England and Germany on different sides and views of a lot of things? Why on earth would Germany let you join England's alliance after all the fighting that went on between them?"

"Veeee~ He said it was okay if it was safe, and plus, uke means PASTA! So of course it would be safe if it includes pasta~"

"... I'm not even going to point out all of the things wrong with that," Austria said, frowning. It was obvious he was still upset over the incident in which Hungary had misunderstood the alliance from his more irritable behavior. Prussia decided to take advantage of this as he smirked and popped up behind the brunette nation's shoulder.

"Kesesese! Austria's grumpy today because Hungary said she didn't care whether or not he joined this alliance!" The albino nation exclaimed, smirking. His red eyes glowed in jeer.

England crossed his arms and sighed. "Now you see what I mean when talking about getting better rights in relationships. If you think about it, we're taken for granted by those bloody semes all the time... Doesn't it annoy you? This alliance is to get it through their thick skulls that it's harder than it seems to be the uke!"

"... Seriously, ahen. Are you high?"

"I am not high, China!" England snapped, glaring fiercely at the Asian nation who was frowning while cuddling with Shinatty. "Bloody God, please, stop asking me if I'm high! I stopped with the major Opium exports long ago!"

"... Only the major Opium exports?" Finland asked, with wide eyes.

England coughed into his sleeve, clearing his throat. "Not the point. The point is, today, we're going to officially declare independence from the seme nations, and end our relationships with them-"

"NANI?" Japan demanded, his usually spaced-out brown eyes suddenly focusing on England, "End our relationships with them? I can't end my relationship with Greece! I didn't join to do that, England!"

The other nations reeled back at Japan's sudden outburst.

"... Calm down, Japan. I meant by end our relationships with them, simply decrease our independence with them. For instance, stop relying on Greece for trading routes and money, and such, not necessarily stop your personal relationship with him..." England mumbled off. "We need to decrease our dependency on the seme nations as the first step."

"You're serious about this, aren't you... It isn't something that Flying Mint Bunny told you, either?" Norway suddenly spoke up, however emotionlessly, to England. While all the other nations remained confused, England simply nodded.

"I doubt Flying Mint bunny would even talk to me about my dependency on France as an uke," England said, and Norway didn't say anything back. He only sighed.

"Alright. I support this, then. I'll stop a few of my major trading business with Denmark and try to run them in different nations," Norway said, as if doing that was extremely easy. The other nations gaped in surprise, and England smiled, looking pleased.

"Whose next? By doing this, you are pledging you allegiance to the UCTFBRIR fully, as the first step to show those semes who are the best in our relationships, and cannot drop out halfway, unless you care to ignite the fury of the mythical world upon your being," England explained, smirking.

"... Oh god, he is high, ahen..."

England chose to ignore the statement from China.

"I... I suppose I'll join next, then," Austria said quietly, looking slightly more pale than usual. England nodded and wrote his name down on a piece of paper alongside Norway's name.

"The awesome Prussia shall not be excluded! Even though I will never be a pansy-ass uke, I shall join this cause! Kesese! You're welcome, for my help in this alliance shall be, as expected, most excellent!"

"I... I suppose I'll join if Norway is in it, then, I can possibly establish some trading routes with him, and break away from Sweden more so... Now that I think about it, I really am dependent on him," Finland said, looking down in embarrassment. England nodded, smiling, and wrote his name down.

"Aiyah, you younger nations... I can't believe you're giving up such good trading relations so easily, aru..."

Japan raised his hand. "... Although... Greece-san's help is very good for my country, I believe it would be better to sustain myself as well. I give my country and it's people to this cause."

China's jaw dropped. "Y-You too, Japan? But Greece is one of your biggest trading partners, aru! How could you give up such useful help all for this little charade Opium is playing?" The oldest nation turned to England, glaring. "You're corrupting these nations! This is just a plot for you to get a bunch of strong nations on your side so you can easily declare war against other nations aru!"

England looked up, his sharp green eyes narrowing. "No it's not, China! I'm actually trying to gain my independence from the clutches of that bloody frog! France is always treating me like such an uke, I'm sick of it. And I know you're sick of Russia treating you that way, too!"

"I thought I was, aru!" China countered, "But I'm not! I like being how I am just fine, aru! So I won't be the one to fall for your little scheme, Opium! If these younger nations are naive enough to fall into this obvious trap, then so be it. But you can't trick the former dragon of the west!"

"Former dragon of the west?" Iceland asked, raising an eye. "I thought you were known as the girly-nation who tried his best to stay out of battles and ended up having to go through a century of humiliation?"

"That was because of you loud westerners and Europeans!" China exclaimed, flushing in anger. He glared and got up from his seat, staring down at all of the other nations. "I'm leaving, aru. You all are so foolish for falling for another Westerner trap. Just like how they stole land from my people, Opium is going to steal the lives of your people for his own cause, aru!"

"... Man, you have problems, you Panda Bastard."

"That's it, aru!" China spouted, and stomped off out of the meeting room, slamming the door behind him.

The rest of the nations, other than England, began to think about what China said as they listened to the receding stomping noises as China left. Maybe it was true, maybe this was all a plan by England to get them to sign a secret war treaty so when England declared war on France, they would be roped into joining him...

"Don't believe what he's spouting," England interrupted their thoughts. "I'm being honest about this! This is a bloody problem with these goddamn semes, and we need to step up and do something."

The other nations who had not yet agreed sighed before standing up.

* * *

"Okay, here we have the very first meeting of the SCTFFDIR here! Please, I'm going to take role now, _mon peuple, _so please sit down and raise your hand if you're here~ America, Sweden, Greece, Denmark, Russia, Hong Kong, Germany, Spain, Poland, Hungary... And the beautiful me is here! What a pleasant surprise. We're all here for the first ever SCTFFDIR meeting~!"

The nations who had been called for role were sitting at a round table, as they looked at each other in curiosity. They had no idea why France had called them to the World Meeting room, and were slightly creeped out by the happiness in the French Nation's tone.

"Hurry up and get to the point about why we're here, France," Hungary snapped, her green eyes glaring. "I'm not in the mood right now to wait around to listen to the trash that spews out of your dumb mouth."

France drew back, smiling, and grinned, reaching over to tuck a few locks of chocolate brown hair behind the female nation's ear. "Ooh~! Hungary's in such a playful, feisty mood today! I like it!"

The European female Nation grabbed France's hand and twisted it, making the blonde wince in pain.

"Didn't I just say to get on with why we're here?"

"_P-Pardon_, M-Magyar-sama! I... I will tell you as soon as possible, just please don't kill me!" France pleaded, and the Hungarian woman sighed sharply and released her hold on the blonde's wrist. France sighed in relief, but frowned at the red mark on his skin, and proceeded to turn to the nations.

"... Anyway, th-this group of nations I have assembled very purposely is called the SCTFFDIR, and our goal is to oppose the UCTFBRIR, which is made up of England, Romano, Italy, China, Japan, Finland, Iceland, Norway, Austria, Prussia, Lithuania, and... Ah, right, my dear boy _Mathieu~_!"

America stood up, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "_Your _Matthew? Mattie's mine, you French bastard, lay off!"

France only smirked devilishly. "Yes, yes, I made a good choice bringing you into this meeting, America... You perfectly match what this whole group is all about."

The American blinked, before his mouth began to twitch into a smile. "... I do? I mean, of course I do! I'm the hero, and I'll definitely be the hero of this SCT... ST... STD club!"

France smirked. "Of course you will be the hero. For our club, the SCTFFDIR, stands for: Semes coming together for full domination in relationships. For those of you who don't know what a seme is... It's basically _(beep)-(beep)_... And the UCTFBRIR stands for Ukes coming together for better rights in relationships. A uke is a _(beep)-(beep)_..."

The other nations stared, disturbed at the explanation of what a seme and uke were.

"... S-So that's why Norge didn't want us to find out... Er..." Was all Denmark could muster up, his face scrunched up together in confusion and embarrassment.

"I see," Was all Hong Kong said, impassive as usual.

"Like, that's weird, me and Liet, like, aren't even in a relationship, Francey," Poland spoke up, flipping his golden hair back like a real diva. "Plus, I like, am the one wearing skirts half the time. Shouldn't he, be like, the person to be on top?" Poland continued, not at all ashamed of what he was saying.

"The fandom wants what the fandom wants."

"W'll m' w'f w'dn't d'rm 'f 'vr 'l'vn m'." (Well my wife wouldn't dream of ever leaving me.)

"Really?" France asked, raising an eye. He smirked, "Because it would seem to me that Finland already signed a treaty with England, leader of the UCTFBRIR, saying he'd give up trading with you to become less dependent on you. Seems like he dreams of it more than you can imagine."

Sweden's eyes widened in hurt.

"In fact... All of them agreed to join the UCTFBRIR except for China," France said smugly. The seme nations seemed slightly surprised at the information, while Russia only smiled innocently. The others walked over, and began to stare at the treaty with sudden interest.

"Of course my dear Jao-Jao would never join anything that would oppose me, da?" The Russian Nation asked, and chuckled, his water pipe tapping in his hands menacingly. "And besides... Jao-Jao loves Mother Russia too much to ever go against me-"

"He said it was because it seemed like a trap. Never did he mention it was out of love," France said, cowering behind America, waiting for the blow.

"KOLKOLKOL... WHEN CAN I JOIN, FRANCE?"

The other nations swiftly followed, signing the paper.


End file.
